How do i improve my self-esteem?

You're extremely self destructive. Most people who feel this may have suffered abuse when they were younger. Feeling as if they are never good enough when they are extremely talented. You want perfection and when you cant have it you tend to punish yourself, which is very unhealthy. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and understand that you are the best that you can be. There will always be someone better but you are perfect the way you are. You cannot live your life comparing yourself to others because you will always feel like youre not good enough. You are the best and you need to stop this behavior that you are going through. You mean something to someone and all your talents and abilities are being wasted away if you continue on this self destructive path. Stop looking at everyone else and concentrate on being the best you can be. You sound like a very intelligent guy you shouldnt let your insecurities pull you down like this.