Can you critique this story opening?

Did you write it? I like it so far. I'm a 11th grade male in ap english and i think its pretty good. I like the dialog, though at times it seems like you could do more to diversify it. For example a brother that says "silly"; haha maybe you want to give him more of a manly voice. I like the Willow character, though not a big fan of the name willow, she has definate personality that people can be sure to relate to, sort of like a Bella Swan. the mom and dad are typical mom and dad and that is fine since they are not major characters. the brother needs more of a part i think, his character is too subtle. and for the Jesse character, depends how you want to work him in because there is huge potential for him to become a major character, but if he was to be more than just friends with Willow I think you'd have to rework how well they are acquainted with each other. all this "playful shoves" and "threw my arms around his neck" is too much of an advance to quickly in the book, i mean isnt he just her brothers best friend? is he also Willows good good friend? kinda unlikely. Over all I really liked where this is headed, it has potential to be a really interesting tale. it has tween appeal so what is most important, in my opinion, is to have characters that are noble and admirable that people can relate to.